I hate the office. Tanan nlng banned! Phone, non-work related websites, chatting, tanan nlng jud!! Hai sobra pa hi school. Well, wat am I doing here mn sd kundi ngwork so dapat lng wlay lain buhaton but WORK, WORK, WORK!! BORING!!!!! It’s really depressing. Depression seems to sink in again. For the third time around. I want to resign (na naman) as if I haven’t thought of that before.

I dunno what makes my life depressing. Is it the work?? My life?? The routine sa ako lyf or and akong POBRE na LOVELIFE???? Maybe. =) yah I think mao jud nah! Hai it’s not na ngmamadali ako but parang ako nlng ata wlang bf sa mga kakilala ko. Unsaon, nobody’s courting mn sd so paano ako mgkbf?? Hopeless case.

Y? What’s wrong with me?? Is sumthing wrong with me?? I don’t want to think of it that way. hindi nmn ako pangit. hindi nmn ako bobo o tanga! Maybe there’s sumthing wrong with the people of the opposite sex. I’m trying to console myself nlng na maybe I am a good apple. Know what that means?? Let me share sumthing…..

Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at
 the top of the 
tree. 
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones
 because they are 
afraid of falling and getting hurt. 
 
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from
 the ground, which 
aren't as good, but easy... so the apples at
 the top think something 
is wrong with them when, in reality, they're
 amazing. They just have 
to wait for the right man to come along - the
 one who's brave enough to 
climb all the way 
to the top of the tree. 
   
 Men are like a fine wine.
 They start out as grapes, 
and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of
 them until they turn into 
 
something acceptable to have dinner with ;o)

i am here at the office right now and to think it's EASTER SUNDAY!!! i won't be able to join the easter egg hunt that we usually have at home every Easter Sunday!!! i hate it. good thing we are not heavily queueing right now or else i would have gone home.

Last Cigarette: i don't smoke     

Last Cry: last night

Last Library Book Checked Out: haven't read for a long time 
Last Movie Seen In a Theatre: Robots   
Last Book Read: Tuesdays With Morrie
Last Cuss Word Uttered: Sh*t
Last Beverage Drank: ice cold coke
Last Food Consumed: tuna sandwich
Last Phone Call: i was not the one who called, a friend phoned me  
Last TV Show Watched: 
Last Time Showered: this morning
Last Shoes Worn: sandals, my pink sandals, fave sandals
Last CD Played: M.Y.M.P versions cd
Last Soda Drank: COKE      

Last Thing Written: blog post

Last Words Spoken: "I believe you E.S"  

Last Sleep: Last night
Last IM: can't remember when 
Last Ice Cream Eaten: halo-halo ice cream  
Last Time Wanting to Die: haven't thought of that =)

Last Time Dancing: few minutes ago

Last Crush: many hahaha 
Last Disappointment: a few seconds ago with E.S

Last Time Scolded: a few seconds ago, by E.S

Last Web Site Visited: a blog where i borrowed this from 

DO...
you have a crush on someone? YEAH!!                    

you wish you could live somewhere else? live?? i love cebu. i don't think of living somewhere else. maybe just have a vacation in europe 

you think aboutsuicide? my life is not that hopeless                   

you believe in online dating? nope

others find you attractive? i dunno. i still have to find that out.haha
you want more piercings? no. mine is ok 
you drink? nope. never 
you do drugs? NOPE. NEVER 
you smoke? NOPE 
you like cleaning? A LOT (OC kc)
you like roller coasters? whoo

FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships? i'm not for nor against. i just don't think it will work for me
:x: using someone? strongly against
:x: suicide? against 
:x: killing people? strongly against but i think i'll change my mind. i have very irritating callers i want to kill.hihi
:x: teenage smoking? not very good 
:x: doing drugs? very against 
:x: driving drunk? against it. it could kill innocent people!
:x: gay/lesbian relationships? i don't care 

FAVOURITE...
:x: song: right now? its ESPECIALLY FOR U by MYMP. i just love it!
:x: thing to do: texting and talking and dancing and SINGING! 
:x: thing to talk about: boys?? =)
:x: sports: badminton, dancing
:x: drinks: iced tea
:x: movies: too many

WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use? vaseline and sunsilk (hmm, mabango)
:x: shoes do you wear? i seldom wear shoes, sandals lng
:x: are you scared of? i'm scared of getting hurt in love

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? once pa 

:x: of times I have had my heart broken? never pa but i've been hurt na
:x: of hearts I have broken? i don't think i have
:x: of girls I have kissed? YIKES. wla pa  
:x: of boys I have kissed? 1 pa huhu pobre

:x: of things in my past that i regret? many but i have learned a lot from it

THE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes, loving a
person doesn't mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the rest
of your life doesn't mean you have to end up marrying them. Can a man and
a woman just be friends? I'd say yes and they should be.
Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not every guy who befriends
you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself.
There is a reason why he befriended you, but don't automatically assume+
that it's because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be
the principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend,
you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.
Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na. There are people who are
naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no
matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you.
It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary
stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I think
if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain
about it.
Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na. You don't befriend a
person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when
he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The two
of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be
assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you
need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating
conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romantic
connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It's just coffee and
a shared interest.
Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya. This is the most
amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because your
friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you describe
your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk),
"lakas amats mo na for repapips!" Let me just say this, at least from my
own personal experience, I'm just nearsighted, I haven't gone blind. I can
still appreciate God's creation! However, there will always be weird
things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from
having a crush on him. First of all, you'd know his history with women,
enough to judge what's good for you. Second, don't you just hate it when a
guy who's absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough
pronounces the word country as "kawntri" and the word mango as "meynggo."
Call me crazy for judging a person just because he can't pronounce these
words right. I admit, I'm crazy.
Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end up
being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory... There are a thousand, no
million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way. There
is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging
out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you. He probably
plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.
A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily mean equate to a date.
Especially if you're paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to
consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to
meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would
ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some
lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his
schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would
want real food and a place where you could really talk things through.
Don't go out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you're really
serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a
"filler" just because you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might
as well go out. Topic. Ha! You wouldn't be talking about chikang artista,
chikang opisina or argue if the one girl's boobs are real or not. You
would be probably talking about sensible, quite personal stuff.
I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never complicated;
people just have tendencies to complicate them.

By Mariel G. Calalo

For as long as I can remember, I have been searching for the perfect girl. Since I was old enough to begin longing for female companionship, I have been on the hunt. I guess it started out as just a simple dream or fantasy, not unlike most of us. The strange thing about it was that it never stayed just a dream or a fantasy. The more people I dated, the more times I was let down, the more I hungered for that perfect person, the one that would fill all of my needs and desires, the one that would never let me down. I dated girl after girl. Some of them were great while others got me into some trouble. Some of them made me laugh, but a lot of them made me cry. Through my journey, I found a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow, a lot of happiness and a lot of pain, but never the perfect girl. I had dreamed about her. Dark hair, darker eyes, a slim figure tinted golden brown from the sun. She had an accent and could play the cello. She would love to talk, but wouldn't expect me to talk too much. She would always ask me how my day was and would always have a smile on her face; absolute perfection. I began to devise methods in how I would meet the girls I would date. I knew I wanted an intelligent girl, so I hung out in libraries and museums. I meet this real crazy girl at a library after school one day. She was smart and sexy and, well? crazy. I would rather not go into a lot of details about it. Let's just say she had some real deep-seated anxieties about our relationship and, consequentially, our break up. I knew I wanted an artistic girl, so I went to music stores and coffee shops, I even tried a couple of classical concerts. I met this wonderfully cute girl who dressed really dark and loved to write poetry. She was great, we used to stay up all night long talking about the silliest things, but she ended up dumping me for some guy who did drugs and rode a motorcycle. I got into a car accident with a girl driving a Pontiac Sunfire. She had no driver's license or car insurance, but she did have a really great smile and the prettiest hair. Instead of calling the police, we called in sick and went out to eat. We dated for a while but eventually came across an irreconcilable difference in opinions. She didn't always feel the need to come "straight home" after work. Okay, to be honest, toward the end of our relationship, she rarely came home at all. Then there was the girl from the International House of Pancakes. She was an exact replica of my personality. I mean if you had met us both over some Internet chat room, you would swear we were the same person using multiple screen-names. Sounds sweet, huh? Have you ever considered marrying yourself? Have you ever thought about growing old together, just you and yourself? We both found that the whole idea of finding that "perfect person" was to find someone different from yourself to fulfill the empty spots within you. I searched every where. I left no rock unturned, no leaf moved aside, but to no avail. After much pain and heartache, I began to believe that the perfect girl just did not exist. Then one day, I found her. Her name was Malia. She was from Hawaii, raised in Italy. She wore silk pajama pants to bed. She had written a novel. She loved the beach and hated cats, just like me. She had silky, dark and curly hair that swayed perfectly if the breeze was right. She had a caramel colored body, etched out of a block of pure perfection, and her face was that of an angel. From the very first time I saw her, I could not seem to take my eyes away from hers. She was like a siren, calling my name, beckoning me closer to her, even when she was asleep. The attraction was complete, with no faults, no annoyances. Every time she spoke she mesmerized me and every time she moved she amazed me. She was... well, perfect. Oh, and did I mention she played the cello? We spent all the extra time we had together. We spent so much time together that we decided to move in together. We were paying rent on two places, but one of them was doing nothing but collecting dust. We would sit on the porch when it rained and hold each other. We would lay on the beach and soak up a sweet combination of sunrays and pina coladas. Life was good. No, life was perfect and I knew it just couldn't possibly get any better than it was right then and there. Two years later, Malia left me for a career-opportunity at a really prominent university in Europe. There were no harsh words, no angry feelings, not even any sad good-byes. She was so perfect that if she wanted to leave, I wanted it for her. That is, until she was gone. I cried for days, and began to drink for weeks after that. I felt as if my life was over, that the only reason that I had existed was gone, and every breath I took from that moment on was a futile attempt to hold on to something I later found I never had: The Perfect Love. Malia was perfect. She was perfect in each and every single way, but was not. Our love for each other was a deeply committed one, but it was far from perfect. I know that now, but if I could go back in time to tell myself that in an attempt to save myself from all of that pain and suffering, I fear I would not have listened to myself. I slept with many women, sometimes a different girl every week. I drank excessively and spent all of my money on temporary satisfaction. Anything to ease the pain. But the pain did not ease, it only grew stronger. It became a vicious circle of self-inflicted torture that eventually brought me to my knees and forced me to open my eyes to the real world. But not before it made me a bitter man. I was wiser, but to this day, the decisions made left a coldness in my eyes that made my heart appear as lead to anyone who dared look. I became a loner, staying home on the weekends, saving my money for a healthy but lonely retirement, having accepted my fate. I was to be alone for the rest of my life. Kathy with a K. Actually, her name is spelled Kathyrn. Quite peculiar, but I didn't think so until later. For the longest time, I never even knew her name. But she was a sight for sore and lonely eyes. I saw her at work. I was her boss (actually, I was her boss' boss) and did not want to risk the chance of even speaking to her. She was just too beautiful, and I had become a beast with a past too horrible to mention. I would just watch her as she passed my office every day. She didn't walk, she frolicked, and I would sneak out for a break whenever she did just to watch that frolicking. She smiled every time someone spoke to her, a smile like the early morning sun, and her eyes were so dark that you couldn't see her pupils, only the glimmering from the light that made her eyes look like two bright stars. I was under her spell and I didn't even know her name. One day, watching her outside, I convinced myself to ask around about her. Find out her name and maybe even find out if she was seeing someone. Just as I had decided that she spoke to me. Kathy with a K. She ended up asking me out, you know. I told her I couldn't that night because I had to work late. Actually, I was too scared. I called her and asked her if she wanted to go to Starbucks after work the next day and she agreed. It turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. We were both still pretty new in town and didn't really know our way around. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to take her next so I winged it the whole way. Like I said, it turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. It was perfect. She was not perfect, but neither was I. We both carried a truckload of emotional baggage and we both had a mountain of flaws. But it was perfect. She would always forget to plug in her cell phone at night, but I would always remind her. I couldn't do laundry worth a flip, but she showed me how. She could never get to work on time, and she hated to drive, but we both had to be at work on time so I drove us both there. Whenever she was slacking I was always right over her shoulder, and when I would lose track of what I was trying to do, she would help to keep me focused. We complemented each other in every single way. Neither of us was perfect, but we were perfect for each other. When you're out there looking for that perfect person keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you're thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. Even Malia was not perfect because the perfect girl in my dreams was supposed to stay with me. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other.

i am a certified kickback queen!!! imagine, i had 4 kickbacks for today!!! what's wrong?? am i the problem here?? am i sending bad vibrations that are causing all these bad calls??!!!

i'm here at the office right now but i don't feel like working. i think i still have a hang over from my 4-day long vacation. when will it happen again? i really enjoyed it! it's been a long time since i went out with friends for a vacation. hope it better happen soon..